kindness

The only thing I could ever ask is only a little bit of happiness that could bring a smile to my face. But is it too much to be ask?

     If I could bring the happiness to myself I’m pretty sure I don’t need anyone. But, life means to be shared.

I don’t need anything expensive and actually I don’t need a things to be happy, instead I look for something abstract that could left me with awe thinking there’s someone who love and appreciate me truly.

     If I could help myself, I would want to be happy and not depress over this useless feelings. I often ignores these kind of feeling and ending up haunting me when I’m all alone and fragile, when no one was there.

     They come back to the back of my memories and tortured my mental as if insanity just at the doorstep.

I would love to be happy. It just a selfish thoughts of me if I ask to be happy all day long. But still wanted for it tomorrow and the day after. Is it wrong?

     I’m getting tired trying to force a smile and be happy in front of people. Now… I could not even smile when I need to. Now… I could not laugh when I need to. It such a simple thing yet I can’t do it. When I try to force it out, it only consume energy and making me tired over nothing.

     If only I stronger enough like everyone else, because I know how much other people also suffer like me. Because there’s a lot of people out there that also suffer more than me. And that’s why I say I am selfish to be wanted to be happy every day when there’s also a people who is not happy with their day.

     Here, people say, don’t think about other people. But how can I help it? Habits is a scary things…